My mother-in-law was remarkably skilled at masking her dementia. A naturally social person, she excelled at what I call “social graces.” She would often ask, “How is your family?” in a way that made you believe she remembered every detail, even if she couldn’t recall specific names or family members. She’d answer questions about her own well-being so convincingly that you’d think she was “fine.”
Over time, we noticed she began “misplacing” things frequently. Looking back, we all remember seeing signs of confusion, changes in her personality—like becoming less social and sometimes uncharacteristically mean. Forgotten ingredients for her favorite pie recipe were a sign, as were her struggles to locate recipes she’d used for years. Still, we missed the bigger picture.
She often repeated stories (as we all do), and her difficulty managing meals seemed like stress at the time. She’d mention not feeling well, and while we recognized her memory was slipping, it didn’t seem severe. In hindsight, I should have spoken up more. As her daughter-in-law, I noticed the changes more readily than her own children, perhaps because I wasn’t around her daily. She’d sometimes confuse me with my sister-in-law and call my daughter by her cousin’s name.
It’s so easy to overlook these signs because we don’t want to see them. But if you suspect dementia or Alzheimer’s, there’s likely more going on than you realize. Six months after that Thanksgiving, we found ourselves in court because my mother-in-law could no longer care for herself and wouldn’t accept help. Don’t make the same mistake of ignoring the signs—reach out to me so we can create a plan to keep you and your family out of court.
