I was in court the other day, and as usual, you hear about some family’s troubles. A man representing himself was very frustrated with the system. He told the judge, “I can’t find my brother, he left his family, and no one knows where he is. I can’t get him to sign anything.” The judge smiled and said, “I am sorry, but I can’t tell you what to do; you have to clear the probate notes.” Then the judge said he would continue it one more time, as there had already been four continuances. For those of you who don’t go to court much, this means this man had already been to court five times trying to get the probate process started. The judge suggested he get legal help.
It was clear to me from this short conversation what had happened: his parents had named both brothers and said they HAD to work together. Parents often want to have all their kids work together when they die. A child abandoning their family is unusual, but it is NOT unusual for one sibling to refuse to sign anything given to them by another. The reality is that if you require your kids to act together when you die, they will all have to sign every document and check required. If they don’t get along, forcing them to work together when you die won’t make them suddenly get along. Even if they are close, it can be a logistical nightmare to require everyone to sign every document.
I have helped many families through a probate or trust administration when all the kids had to work together, and if that man called me, I would know what he needed to do to clear the probate notes. Nonetheless, I recommend that my clients select ONE person to act, or if they don’t want to pick one, they allow their children to delegate the duties, allowing them to pick the person who will do most of the work.
If you are struggling to figure out how to help your kids work together when you pass on, give me a call so that we can put together an estate plan that will keep your kids from fighting in court.
