When you visit a loved one with dementia, it can be a challenge.
Here are some tips to make it better:
- Expect the unexpected: You never know what kind of mood they will be in. Don’t expect them to be happy or even expecting you to arrive. If they live at home, expect a mess, and remember the person caring for them is doing the best they can. A person with dementia often acts like a toddler but doesn’t learn from mistakes like a toddler does. Even in a facility, your loved one might insist on wearing clothes that don’t match or refuse to shower.
- Follow their lead: If they call you by their sister’s or mother’s name, play along. Just be that person. You might be surprised about what you learn. I did this with my mother’s best friend. I acted as though I was my mom, and her friend and I had some great talks about me. She was so happy that her friend (whom she no longer recognized) visited. Don’t correct them—it won’t help.
- Bring something they will like: If they like a favorite snack, bring it (but be careful to make sure they are allowed to eat it). Bring a shirt from their favorite team (hand-me-downs are okay) or an old magazine they used to love to read. Remember, they are more like a toddler, so don’t bring something they can choke on. Limit the snack to a small amount. A friend who visited my husband stopped by the store and brought little sundae cups for him and all the residents—it was a hit. Bring something for the staff too.
Finally, remember: NEVER ARGUE, always redirect.
