It has become common for adult children to return home. The reasons vary, but for the most part, the child who comes home—even if they do so to care for a parent—is not financially successful. This creates many problems. Most parents end up paying for all the food and letting the child live for free in exchange for the care they provide. This situation introduces various issues.
The first problem is that the child forgoes a paying job and essentially works for no pay. They become more dependent, and this can lead to the child borrowing money from the parent to afford certain luxuries. Caregiving is demanding and continuous, making it easy for the adult child to feel entitled to some compensation, especially since they’ve sacrificed a lot to help.
Another issue is the resentment that may arise among siblings. They might envy the time the caregiving child gets to spend with the parents. As a result, the caregiver might be perceived as the favorite. Such resentment can escalate to accusations of elder abuse. Moreover, if the parent chooses to leave a larger portion of their estate to the caregiving child, it can lead to disputes over inheritance.
The final concern is the long-term impact on the caregiving child. Once their duties end, they are left without a job and a means of support.
If you have an adult child living with you, it’s crucial to establish a caregiver agreement in writing. The child should NOT be working merely for shelter and sustenance, as this arrangement is neither fair nor sustainable. Essentially, they’re working for nothing in return.
One of the services I offer is facilitating a family meeting to ensure adequate support for the caregiving child, preventing potential conflicts.
