In my support group, many members have lost loved ones while caring for a person with dementia. The challenge of deciding whether to inform the person living with dementia is significant. Do you inform them?
Many who have encountered this situation multiple times typically advise against it, reasoning that while it might sadden them momentarily, they often won’t retain the memory.
Some caregivers have experienced loved ones continuously asking when a deceased relative will visit, further confirming that they don’t recall the person’s passing. It’s a genuine dilemma—choosing between truth and comfort.
So, what’s the best approach?
If you believe in an afterlife, you can offer a reassuring yet truthful response, such as, “You’ll see them soon.” If you don’t share this belief, consider saying, “They’re here in spirit but can’t visit right now.” If the loss is recent, it’s likely best to remain silent on the matter.
When including someone with dementia in a memorial service, as we did with my mother-in-law after her husband’s passing, one key observation was that she retained her social etiquette. Her greetings like “Hello,” “Good to see you,” and inquiries about families fooled many into believing she recognized them.
However, during moments of silence, she’d ask about her husband. Given her Christian faith, I told her he was in heaven. Back at the memory care facility, when she inquired about his next visit, we found solace in telling her, “You’ll see him soon,” while humming the hymn “When We All Get to Heaven.”
This seemed to bring her contentment, and we avoided mentioning his passing afterward. I hope my experience offers some guidance.
I assist families navigating dementia by providing legal and practical planning solutions. If you’re looking for help, I’m here to guide and support you in these challenging times.
