I’ve been reflecting on my mother-in-law and all the things that went wrong, ultimately forcing us to file for a conservatorship. One of the biggest issues was that the power of attorney she had signed simply wasn’t enough.
As dementia progressed, my mother-in-law became paranoid—convinced people were stealing from her. When my husband and his brother, who were her successor agents after my father-in-law’s health declined, used the power of attorney to pay her bills, she saw the payments on her bank statement and called the bank to report them as theft.
Once the bank was notified of possible elder abuse, they were legally required to protect their customer. As a result, the bank refused to honor the power of attorney. Suddenly, we had no ability to access her funds or pay her bills.
At the same time, my mother-in-law was no longer safe at home. She had put a metal pan in the microwave, spoiled food filled the refrigerator, and she had left food unattended on the stove multiple times, triggering fire alarms that only her neighbors’ intervention prevented from turning into disaster. Late at night, she would knock on neighbors’ doors looking for her husband, not remembering he was in the hospital. We were lucky she had such kind neighbors.
What many people don’t realize is that a power of attorney does not give you the authority to place someone in memory care against their will.
In our case, conservatorship was the only option. Deciding to go to court to take over all decisions for a loved one is heart-wrenching. It’s not a step I recommend lightly. It’s expensive, intrusive, and requires detailed reporting to the court on every penny spent, with court investigators and court-appointed attorneys examining every action. But it also protects both the family and the vulnerable person—especially when paranoia or declining health has made life unsafe.
If your loved one is showing signs of paranoia and can no longer care for themselves, give me a call. I can help guide you through the conservatorship process and make sure your loved one is protected.
